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| Source The way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life. |
When I was young I loved playing sports, and I have many
fond memories of those days. But not all of them are pleasant. I remember one
day after my football team lost a tough game, I came home feeling discouraged.
My mother was there. She listened to my sad story. She taught her children to
trust in themselves and each other, not blame others for their misfortunes, and
give their best effort in everything they attempted.
When we fell down, she expected us to pick ourselves up and
get going again. So the advice my mother gave to me then wasn’t altogether
unexpected. It has stayed with me all my life.
“Joseph,” she said, “come what may, and love it.”
I have often reflected on that counsel.
I think she may have meant that every life has peaks and
shadows and times when it seems that the birds don’t sing and bells don’t ring.
Yet in spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to
have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and
happier as a result.
There may be some who think that General Authorities rarely
experience pain, suffering, or distress. If only that were true. While every
man and woman on this stand today has experienced an abundant measure of joy,
each also has drunk deeply from the cup of disappointment, sorrow, and loss.
The Lord in His wisdom does not shield anyone from grief or sadness.
For me, the Lord has opened the windows of heaven and
showered blessings upon my family beyond my ability to express. Yet like
everyone else, I have had times in my life when it seemed that the heaviness of
my heart might be greater than I could bear. During those times I think back to
those tender days of my youth when great sorrows came at the losing end of a
football game.
How little I knew then of what awaited me in later years.
But whenever my steps led through seasons of sadness and sorrow, my mother’s
words often came back to me: “Come what may, and love it.”
How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We
can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that
we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was
suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended
happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major
factor in how happy and successful we can be in life.
If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be
times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest
happiness.
Over the years I have learned a few things that have helped
me through times of testing and trial. I would like to share them with you.
Learn to Laugh
The first thing we can do is learn to laugh. Have you ever
seen an angry driver who, when someone else makes a mistake, reacts as though
that person has insulted his honor, his family, his dog, and his ancestors all
the way back to Adam? Or have you had an encounter with an overhanging cupboard
door left open at the wrong place and the wrong time which has been cursed,
condemned, and avenged by a sore-headed victim?
There is an antidote for times such as these: learn to
laugh.
I remember loading up our children in a station wagon and
driving to Los Angeles. There were at least nine of us in the car, and we would
invariably get lost. Instead of getting angry, we laughed. Every time we made a
wrong turn, we laughed harder.
Getting lost was not an unusual occurrence for us. Once
while heading south to Cedar City, Utah, we took a wrong turn and didn’t
realize it until two hours later when we saw the “Welcome to Nevada” signs. We
didn’t get angry. We laughed, and as a result, anger and resentment rarely
resulted. Our laughter created cherished memories for us.
I remember when one of our daughters went on a blind date.
She was all dressed up and waiting for her date to arrive when the doorbell
rang. In walked a man who seemed a little old, but she tried to be polite. She
introduced him to me and my wife and the other children; then she put on her
coat and went out the door. We watched as she got into the car, but the car
didn’t move. Eventually our daughter got out of the car and, red faced, ran
back into the house. The man that she thought was her blind date had actually
come to pick up another of our daughters who had agreed to be a babysitter for
him and his wife.
We all had a good laugh over that. In fact, we couldn’t stop
laughing. Later, when our daughter’s real blind date showed up, I couldn’t come
out to meet him because I was still in the kitchen laughing. Now, I realize
that our daughter could have felt humiliated and embarrassed. But she laughed
with us, and as a result, we still laugh about it today.
The next time you’re tempted to groan, you might try to
laugh instead. It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around
you more enjoyable.
Seek for the Eternal
The second thing we can do is seek for the eternal. You may
feel singled out when adversity enters your life. You shake your head and
wonder, “Why me?”
But the dial on the wheel of sorrow eventually points to
each of us. At one time or another, everyone must experience sorrow. No one is
exempt.
I love the scriptures because they show examples of great
and noble men and women such as Abraham, Sarah, Enoch, Moses, Joseph, Emma, and
Brigham. Each of them experienced adversity and sorrow that tried, fortified,
and refined their characters.
Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and
sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often
difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that
stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for
others.
Because Jesus Christ suffered greatly, He understands our
suffering. He understands our grief. We experience hard things so that we too
may have increased compassion and understanding for others.
Remember the sublime words of the Savior to the Prophet
Joseph Smith when he suffered with his companions in the smothering darkness of
Liberty Jail:
“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine
afflictions shall be but a small moment;
“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on
high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.” 1
With that eternal perspective, Joseph took comfort from
these words, and so can we. Sometimes the very moments that seem to overcome us
with suffering are those that will ultimately suffer us to overcome.
The Principle of Compensation
The third thing we can do is understand the principle of
compensation. The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is
taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way.
While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every
tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing
and gratitude.
One of the blessings of the gospel is the knowledge that when
the curtain of death signals the end of our mortal lives, life will continue on
the other side of the veil. There we will be given new opportunities. Not even
death can take from us the eternal blessings promised by a loving Heavenly
Father.
Because Heavenly Father is merciful, a principle of
compensation prevails. I have seen this in my own life. My grandson Joseph has
autism. It has been heartbreaking for his mother and father to come to grips
with the implications of this affliction.
They knew that Joseph would probably never be like other
children. They understood what that would mean not only for Joseph but for the
family as well. But what a joy he has been to us. Autistic children often have
a difficult time showing emotion, but every time I’m with him, Joseph gives me
a big hug. While there have been challenges, he has filled our lives with joy.
His parents have encouraged him to participate in sports.
When he first started playing baseball, he was in the outfield. But I don’t
think he grasped the need to run after loose balls. He thought of a much more
efficient way to play the game. When a ball was hit in his direction, Joseph
watched it go by and then pulled another baseball out of his pocket and threw
that one to the pitcher.
Any reservations that his family may have had in raising
Joseph, any sacrifices they have made have been compensated tenfold. Because of
this choice spirit, his mother and father have learned much about children with
disabilities. They have witnessed firsthand the generosity and compassion of
family, neighbors, and friends. They have rejoiced together as Joseph has
progressed. They have marveled at his goodness.
Trust in the Father and the Son
The fourth thing we can do is put our trust in our Heavenly
Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
“God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten
Son.” 2 The Lord Jesus Christ is our partner, helper, and advocate. He wants us
to be happy. He wants us to be successful. If we do our part, He will step in.
He who descended below all things will come to our aid. He
will comfort and uphold us. He will strengthen us in our weakness and fortify
us in our distress. He will make weak things become strong. 3
One of our daughters, after giving birth to a baby, became
seriously ill. We prayed for her, administered to her, and supported her as
best we could. We hoped she would receive a blessing of healing, but days
turned into months, and months turned into years. At one point I told her that
this affliction might be something she would have to struggle with the rest of
her life.
One morning I remember pulling out a small card and
threading it through my typewriter. Among the words that I typed for her were
these: “The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best,
then leave the rest to Him.”
She did put her trust in God. But her affliction did not
disappear. For years she suffered, but in due course, the Lord blessed her, and
eventually she returned to health.
Knowing this daughter, I believe that even if she had never
found relief, yet she would have trusted in her Heavenly Father and “[left] the
rest to Him.”
Conclusion
Although my mother has long since passed to her eternal
reward, her words are always with me. I still remember her advice to me given
on that day long ago when my team lost a football game: “Come what may, and
love it.”
I know why there must be opposition in all things.
Adversity, if handled correctly, can be a blessing in our lives. We can learn
to love it.
As we look for humor, seek for the eternal perspective,
understand the principle of compensation, and draw near to our Heavenly Father,
we can endure hardship and trial. We can say, as did my mother, “Come what may,
and love it.” Of this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Notes:
1. D&C 121:7–8.
2. John 3:16.
3. See Ether 12:27.
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