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| Source If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by. Eternal marriage is just like that. |
A number of years ago my wife and I went to a garden wedding
reception. Earlier that day we had been to the temple, where two young people
we knew had been married for time and all eternity. They were much in love. The
circumstances of their meeting had been almost miraculous. Many tears of
happiness were shed. We stood in the reception line at the end of a perfect
day. Ahead of us was a close friend of the family. As he approached the couple,
he stopped and in a beautiful, clear tenor voice sang to them the stirring
words from the book of Ruth: “Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou
lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where
thou diest, will I die” (Ruth 1:16–17).
We were deeply touched and felt reassured about their
prospects for happiness—this in part, I suppose, because my wife and I have had
these same words on the wall of our home for many years.
Sadly, the significance of these beautiful words is
subsiding. Far too many marriages today end in divorce. Selfishness, sin, and
personal convenience often prevail over covenants and commitment.
Eternal marriage is a principle which was established before
the foundation of the world and was instituted on this earth before death came
into it. Adam and Eve were given to each other by God in the Garden of Eden before
the Fall. The scripture says, “In the day that God created man, in the likeness
of God made he him; Male and female created he them; and blessed them” (Gen.
5:1–2; emphasis added).
The prophets have uniformly taught that the consummate and
culminating element of God’s great plan for the blessing of His children is
eternal marriage. President Ezra Taft Benson stated, “Faithfulness to the
marriage covenant brings the fullest joy here and glorious rewards hereafter”
(The Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson [1988], 533–34). President Howard W. Hunter
described celestial marriage as “the crowning gospel ordinance” and clarified
that “while it might take somewhat longer [for some,] perhaps even beyond this
mortal life,” it would not be denied to any worthy individual (Teachings of
Howard W. Hunter, ed. Clyde J. Williams [1997], 132, 140). President Gordon B.
Hinckley has called eternal marriage a wonderful thing (see “What God Hath
Joined Together,” Ensign, May 1991, 71) and a “gift, precious beyond all
others” (“The Marriage That Endures,” Ensign, May 1974, 23).
However, notwithstanding the grandeur and glory of the gift,
it is not free. In fact it is conditional, and having been given, it may be
withdrawn if we do not keep the conditions of the covenant which accompanies
it. Section 131 of the Doctrine and Covenants tells us that “in the celestial
glory there are three heavens or degrees; And in order to obtain the highest, a
man [that means a woman too] must enter into this order of the priesthood
[meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]” (D&C 131:1–2).
A covenant is a sacred promise. We promise to do some
things, and God binds Himself to do others. To those who keep the covenant of
marriage, God promises the fulness of His glory, eternal lives, eternal
increase, exaltation in the celestial kingdom, and a fulness of joy. We all
know that, but sometimes we don’t give much thought to what we have to do to
receive these blessings. The scriptures seem to clearly say that at least three
obligations are inherent in this covenant.
First, an eternal marriage is eternal. Eternal implies
continuing growth and improvement. It means that man and wife will honestly try
to perfect themselves. It means that the marriage relationship is not to be
frivolously discarded at the first sign of disagreement or when times get hard.
It signifies that love will grow stronger with time and that it extends beyond
the grave. It means that each partner will be blessed with the company of the
other partner forever and that problems and differences might as well be
resolved because they are not going to go away. Eternal signifies repentance,
forgiveness, long-suffering, patience, hope, charity, love, and humility. All
of these things are involved in anything that is eternal, and surely we must
learn and practice them if we intend to claim an eternal marriage.
Second, an eternal marriage is ordained of God. This means
that the parties to the marriage covenant agree to invite God into their
marriage, to pray together, to keep the commandments, to keep wants and
passions within certain limits that the prophets have outlined. It means to be
equal companions and to be just as true and pure outside the home as inside the
home. That is part of what ordained of God means.
Third, eternal marriage is a kind of partnership with God.
He promises a continuation of lives to those who are sealed together in the
temple. There is a oneness with the Creator implied in the commandment given to
Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish the earth. There is an obligation to
teach children the gospel, for they are His children too. Thus we have family
home evening and scripture study, gospel conversations, and service to others.
There would seem to be an obligation to support and sustain each other in
callings and roles that each is given to perform. How can we claim to be one
with God if we cannot sustain one another when the wife is called to serve in
the Primary or the husband in the bishopric?
So the covenant of marriage implies at least these things
and probably others. I may miss the mark, but I don’t think by far, when I say
that those who verbally or physically abuse their wives or husbands or those
who degrade or demean or exercise unrighteous dominion in a marriage are not
keeping the covenant. Nor are those who neglect the commandments or who fail to
sustain their leaders. Even those who merely decline callings, neglect
neighbors, or moderately adopt worldly ways are at risk. If we are not keeping
our part of the covenant, we have no promise.
Most of all, I think eternal marriage cannot be achieved
without a commitment to make it work. Most of what I know about this I have
learned from my companion. We have been married for almost 47 years now. From
the beginning she knew what kind of marriage she wanted.
We started as poor college students, but her vision for our
marriage was exemplified by a set of silverware. As is common today, when we
married she registered with a local department store. Instead of listing all
the pots and pans and appliances we needed and hoped to receive, she chose
another course. She asked for silverware. She chose a pattern and the number of
place settings and listed knives, forks, and spoons on the wedding registry and
nothing else. No towels, no toasters, no television—just knives, forks, and
spoons.
The wedding came and went. Our friends and our parents’
friends gave gifts. We departed for a brief honeymoon and decided to open the
presents when we returned. When we did so, we were shocked. There was not a
single knife or fork in the lot. We joked about it and went on with our lives.
Two children came along while we were in law school. We had
no money to spare. But when my wife worked as a part-time election judge or
when someone gave her a few dollars for her birthday, she would quietly set it
aside, and when she had enough she would go to town to buy a fork or a spoon.
It took us several years to accumulate enough pieces to use them. When we
finally had service for four, we began to invite some of our friends for
dinner.
Before they came, we would have a little discussion in the
kitchen. Which utensils would we use, the battered and mismatched stainless or
the special silverware? In those early days I would often vote for the
stainless. It was easier. You could just throw it in the dishwasher after the
meal, and it took care of itself. The silver, on the other hand, was a lot of
work. My wife had it hidden away under the bed where it could not be found
easily by a burglar. She had insisted that I buy a tarnish-free cloth to wrap
it in. Each piece was in a separate pocket, and it was no easy task to assemble
all the pieces. When the silver was used, it had to be hand washed and dried so
that it would not spot, and put back in the pockets so it would not tarnish,
and wrapped up and carefully hidden again so it would not get stolen. If any
tarnish was discovered, I was sent to buy silver polish, and together we
carefully rubbed the stains away.
Over the years we added to the set, and I watched with
amazement how she cared for the silver. My wife was never one to get angry
easily. However, I remember the day when one of our children somehow got hold
of one of the silver forks and wanted to use it to dig up the backyard. That
attempt was met with a fiery glare and a warning not to even think about it.
Ever!
I noticed that the silverware never went to the many ward
dinners she cooked, or never accompanied the many meals she made and sent to
others who were sick or needy. It never went on picnics and never went camping.
In fact it never went anywhere; and, as time went by, it didn’t even come to
the table very often. Some of our friends were weighed in the balance, found
wanting, and didn’t even know it. They got the stainless when they came to
dinner.
The time came when we were called to go on a mission. I
arrived home one day and was told that I had to rent a safe-deposit box for the
silver. She didn’t want to take it with us. She didn’t want to leave it behind.
And she didn’t want to lose it.
For years I thought she was just a little bit eccentric, and
then one day I realized that she had known for a long time something that I was
just beginning to understand. If you want something to last forever, you treat
it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t
expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes
tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special
because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time
goes by.
Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just
that way. I pray that we may see it for the priceless gift that it is, in the
name of Jesus Christ, amen.
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