Elder’s Quorum theme for today’s lesson: Watch over, be with and strengthen our marriages.
Marriage between a man and a woman is
ordained of God and is intended to be eternal.
1. With a knowledge of the plan of salvation as a foundation,
a man who holds the priesthood looks upon marriage as a sacred privilege and
obligation. It is not good for man nor for woman to be alone. Man is not
complete without woman. Neither can fill the measure of their creation without
the other (see 1 Cor. 11:11; Moses 3:18). Marriage between a man and a woman is
ordained of God (see D&C 49:15–17). Only through the new and everlasting
covenant of marriage can they realize the fulness of eternal blessings (see
D&C 131:1–4; 132:15–19).
2. Marriage is often referred to as a partnership with God.
This is not just a figure of speech. If this partnership remains strong and
active, the man and woman will love each other as they love God, and there will
come into their home a sweetness and affection that will bring eternal success.
Successful marriage requires our best
efforts to live the principles of the gospel.
3. [Marriage] … is a learned behavior. Our conscious effort,
not instinct, determines the success. The motivating force stems from kindness,
true affection, and consideration for each other’s happiness and welfare…. It
is often said that being happily and successfully married is generally not so
much a matter of marrying the right person as it is being the right person....
A wise choice of a partner is a large contribution to a successful marriage,
yet the conscious effort to do one’s part fully is the greatest element
contributing to success.
4. Living the principles of the gospel makes a happy marriage.
… When two people can live the principles of the gospel, marriage can be sweet
and it can be happy.
Husbands and wives should work together
to strengthen the bonds of marriage.
5. Marriage is like a tender flower … and must be nourished
constantly with expressions of love and affection.
Charity and patience with imperfections
6. Most partners have imperfections. … Richard L. Evans once
said, “Perhaps any of us could get along with perfect people, but our task is
to get along with imperfect people” [Richard Evans’ Quote Book (1971), 165]. We
understand in marriage that we are not dealing with perfect people; we are
seeking perfection and we are traveling the course in which we hope to find
perfection, but we must have understanding, give our best, and make life
beautiful. …
7. The Bible tells us: “Charity suffereth long, and is kind”
(see 1 Corinthians 13:4). That kind of love, the kind that is not taken
lightly, not terminated at pleasure and thrown away like disposable plastic,
but which faces all of life’s little difficulties hand in hand entwining the
souls, is the ultimate expression of human happiness.
Q How can we develop greater charity and patience with our
spouses’ imperfections?
Oneness of heart
8. Surely the happiest marriages are those where your hurt is
my hurt, my pain is your pain, my victory, your victory, my concerns, your
concerns. The oneness of heart, of soul, of flesh seems to be more of a
challenge than ever before in the world in which the question seems to be: “What
is there in this for me?” Far too many marriage partners have become merely an
ornament on the sleeve rather than a part of the heart.
Q How can we develop greater “oneness of heart” with our
spouses?
Fidelity in thought, word, and deed
9. A man who holds the priesthood shows perfect moral fidelity
to his wife and gives her no reason to doubt his faithfulness. A husband is to
love his wife with all his heart and cleave unto her and none else (see D&C
42:22–26). President Spencer W. Kimball explained: “The words none else
eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes pre-eminent in the
life of the husband or wife and neither social life nor occupational life nor
political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take
precedence over the companion spouse” (The Miracle of Forgiveness, Salt Lake
City: Bookcraft, 1969, p. 250).
10. The Lord forbids and his church condemns any and every
intimate relationship outside of marriage. Infidelity on the part of a man
breaks the heart of his wife and loses her confidence and the confidence of his
children (see Jacob 2:35). Be faithful in your marriage covenants in thought,
word, and deed. Pornography, flirtations, and unwholesome fantasies erode one’s
character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage. Unity and trust
within a marriage are thereby destroyed. One who does not control his thoughts
and thus commits adultery in his heart, if he does not repent, shall not have
the Spirit, but shall deny the faith and shall fear (see D&C 42:23; 63:16).
Q How can we show fidelity in marriage through thought, word,
and deed?
Tenderness and respect in intimacy
11. Keep yourselves above any domineering or unworthy behavior
in the tender, intimate relationship between husband and wife. Because marriage
is ordained of God, the intimate relationship between husbands and wives is
good and honorable in the eyes of God. He has commanded that they be one flesh
and that they multiply and replenish the earth (see Moses 2:28; 3:24). You are
to love your wife as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for it (see Eph.
5:25–31).
12. Tenderness and respect—never selfishness—must be the
guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. Each
partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires. Any
domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship
between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord.
13. Any man who abuses or demeans his wife physically or
spiritually is guilty of grievous sin and in need of sincere and serious
repentance. Differences should be worked out in love and kindness and with a
spirit of mutual reconciliation. A man should always speak to his wife lovingly
and kindly, treating her with the utmost respect.
Q How can we teach our children that tenderness and respect
in intimacy is part of a healthy marriage?
Attentive listening
14. Many problems could be quickly answered, and many difficult
situations resolved, if we could understand that there are times when we need
to listen. In school we learned the lesson when we listened, but failed when we
refused to give attention. In marriage there is a complete lack of
understanding unless we are willing to listen. … Of course, we need to talk,
but we must listen to the other view in order to increase our understanding
sufficiently to make an intelligent decision. A listening ear can oftentimes
make the difference.
Q What are principles for attentive listening?
Selflessness
15. Friendships cannot endure if they are based on the sands of
selfishness. Marriages do not endure when they have no ground except in
physical attraction, and do not have the foundation of a deeper love and
loyalty.
16. We hope you who are married will remember the feelings of
love which led you to the altar in the house of the Lord. Our hearts are
saddened as we learn of many whose love has grown cold or who through reasons
of selfishness or transgression forget or treat lightly the marriage covenants
they made in the temple. We plead with husbands and wives to have love and
respect for each other. Indeed, it would be our fondest hope that each family
would be blessed with a mother and father who express love for each other, who
are deferential to each other, and who work together to strengthen the bonds of
marriage.
Q How can we develop greater selflessness in our marriages?
Q What are other things we can do to nurture our marriages?
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